4/24 Sin.

Everything was coming to a head, she wasn't happy with anything in her life anymore. No matter how wonderful her life seemed from the outside, the agony of what life was really like had tarnished a piece of her heart. The hardship and trials had taken such a toll.
She was supposed to be brave, she was supposed to be full of strength and courage - at times, even she thought she was... but deep down she wasn't. As if playing the part, she continued to make everything look okay, but soon it all caught up to her. The person she once was, the person she was now... a horrible sinner.

She couldn't face God in all his glory, she didn't feel worthy. She was so angry, she had let her sin fester inside of her for so long that she decided God didn't even matter anymore. It was easier to live like he didn't exist, or at least as if he didn't care. That seemed like a better explanation - though she knew better than that.
It came as quickly as sudden death. She was on her knees, before her, a vision, like a nightmare. What had she done? It was like watching a movie where the bad guy is in the next room and you're hiding your face, saying "No! Don't go in there!"...

She saw a man... beaten, bloody, so exhausted that he could've died right then and there. She saw him walk up to a hill, carrying a cross on his back, a giant, wooden cross. She saw soldiers tormenting him and once he got up to the hill, they laid down his cross, put him on top and then got out thick nails.
Why was this picture so vividly in front of her? Within a moment she felt herself get up, walk towards the man on the cross and a soldier handed her a nail. Tears streamed down her face as she realized why she was having this vision... she took the first nail and drove it as hard as she could into the man's hand. "I'm sorry..." she whispered... she took another nail, then another... each was harder to puncture through his already beaten flesh.

All the pretending in the world couldn't cover up the truth of what sin was. She had let her pride get in the way of the truth.
She came back to, the vision was over. How could she have done such a thing? She knew it hadn't been real, Jesus was crucified hundreds of years ago... but it felt real.

She had always said she loved Jesus.... yet, her pride said something entirely different.
Romans 5:8
John 3:16